Waiting
by This Faithless Romance
Summary: The sequel to Torn. Lynx is growing up in the Naruto world and as a ninja there are some occupational hazards. When her two best friends change, and her team grows further and further apart, she has to learn to cope in a shinobi's world. Slow updates.
1. My New Life

**It's out! Woo! Finally, the long awaited sequel to Torn!**

**Please review, thanks to all Torn's readers, hope you enjoy this one. Yes, updates will be slow. Options for the next two years are coming and up, and some major exams, just trying **_**to **_**stay in my sets right now! Thanks.**

_**Mistakes We Made**_

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'Why doesn't he love me?' I thought, tears streaming down my face.

I loved a boy who could never love me back, I had come to that conclusion, of course, it wouldn't be this painful if I hadn't seen the way my friend looked at him. And the way he looked at her. Sakura had never loved him before he became so strong, maybe as a friend, or a brother, but she had always shunned him in favor of her more popular, more loved teammate. Sasuke Uchiha, teenage heartthrob vs. Naruto Uzumaki, the hyperactive knuckle-head of Konoha. I loved them both, I really did, Sasuke and Naruto, but seeing Sakura look at Naruto like that broke my heart in two. He had loved her for so long, and I had loved him, and she had loved Sasuke, and I had loved Sasuke, but now she decides to love Naruto, when he finally finds out he loves her. He loves her!

He had admired and crushed on his teammate for so long now, and never once had she spared him a glance. But now he finds out that his crush on her has developed into love. Dammit, this isn't fair. I feel like everything around me is making a circle and pointing and laughing like we used to do when some of the guys at my old school got into a fight. But now they were laughing at me, at my pain, my embarrassment, my heartache.

He had told me around five minutes ago, the memory of it burned fresh in my mind.

"Lynx! Lynx! Wait up!" I smiled to myself, wondering what he wanted now, ramen or training!

"Fine…" I said, faking impatience as I waited for him to catch up. "What is it?"

"I-I need to tell you something." He stuttered nervously.

My heart sped up to an abnormal rate, he couldn't like me? Did he? Oh man, I never saw him this nervous ''cept when talking to Sakura in 'The Old Days'. Naruto had come back just yesterday and damn I was happy he was back. Even Sakura missed having him here. But back to business, he wanted to tell me something, and he was nervous. I smiled widely, masking the excitement bubbling in my chest.

"Well, go on." I encouraged him, but all the while keeping up a façade of patience.

"Ahem," He coughed, as if trying to clear his mouth for whatever was to come. "It's about Sakura."

My heart broke at that moment, but nonetheless I smiled expectantly, he was my friend before everything else. So I encouraged him to go on with a nod from my head.

"I-I think I'm in love." He said simply, looking at me with those bright eyes I loved so much.

"Th-that's, that's amazing, I mean, that's great Naruto! You gonna tell her?" I coughed as well, except for an entirely different reason.

"Yeah! I think I'll tell her when we go out tonight the three of us and I think - if she loves me too - I'll ask her to marry me! You know you should bring Nick or Chirou, or Kakashi! Yeah! So we'll be a whole team! But tell him first, 'K? I don't want anyone to be surprised but Sakura!" He grinned happily, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "I'm gonna go get ready! See ya tonight!"

He waved then ran off. I ran off as well, in the opposite direction, towards the forest I'm in now.

I fell to my knees tears still streaming down my face. That memory was only five minutes ago but it still felt like hours ago, like it had been years ago that I had hoped for Naruto to come back and love me. You know Sakura admires him, I think she really does care for him, but she still cares for Sasuke (less and less each day now) and so she won't admit it. To anyone else but me of course. More tears.

Did you know that for the past two and a half years we'd both stayed single. I'd stayed single in hopes that one of the two men I loved would finally love me back. I didn't have much hope for Sasuke, but I sure as hell did for Naruto. And now he comes back in love with a woman who loves (likes actually) him back. She had stayed single to save her first kiss, her first boyfriend, her first true love for Sasuke.

Of course I still love him, though I'd let Sakura take him any day, of course I will. Yes, I said will, because I know it will happen. I know that I would never be able to live with myself if I stopped true love for my own selfish reasons.

I thought back to him telling me to get Nick. My eyes closed tightly, he mentioned Nick. You know how we were all put in a team, right? We were on a mission about a year or so ago now (we were 14 at that time), it was a simple scroll retrieval, actually it was a 'D' ranked mission, we weren't expecting much. There weren't any threats so far, and we only had about half an hour till we reached Konoha. So we all put our guard down. The next part is the hardest part.

"_Ohh! I can't wait to get back! Eep! I really wanna see my old team again! And Hinata, and Shino! And Kiba." She added the last bit with a rather large blush._

_Nick and I exchanged glances, and took a deep breath._

"_Lexi and Kiba sittin'' in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G! Next comes love, then comes marriage then comes Lexi with a baby carriage!" We sang loudly, our laughs echoing through the wood._

_Chirou, our sensei, and my friend and guardian, laughed right along with us. We always had fun on D missions, we just liked being together! One of us stopped laughing abruptly and I turned around to see what was up. The sight that awaited me was one which I would never forget. Nick was falling from a tree behind us. Chirou caught him quickly, but took one look at his frozen face and he in turn froze. Feeling along Nick's back he tugged at something and pulled out a bloody kunai._

_Alexis, Lexi, stopped dead in her tracks as she saw what was in his hands. I moved forward swiftly and stared at Nick. His breathing was labored and shallow and his face full of fear. I turned around at the sound of a snapping twig and was faced with his killer. Without any thought I threw a kunai at his throat. He wasn't fast enough and the murderer fell to the floor with a shocked look on his face. He wasn't my first kill, so I wasn't at all scared at the sight of corpse. I merely kicked him and turned back to Nick. _

_Alexis was now next to him and was murmuring gentle words to him. Nick had tears in his eyes as he grasped her hand. Chirou's face was one of silent pain, he had grown close to us and saw Nick and Alexis as his own siblings. He merely held Nick in his arms. I bit my lip and walked closer. Alexis was crying now, her face mangled in grief and misery._

"_Lexi…" He breathed, "Don' cry… for me…Miss you… Em and Jake, I'll be with them now." He finished._

"_Lynx-- I love you, 'K? You're my spe--" He coughed up blood and tried to smile, his attempt in vain "-cial gal. Forever, 'K?"_

_His breathing sped up suddenly and his eyes widened in pain and a feeble scream would be his last word._

"_I love you too Nick. I always will, I'm your special girl, forever." I breathed into the cool night air, a star in the black sky suddenly shot out more light and died like that. _

_It felt like how Nick had left us. But I had promised not to cry for him any more, not any more, me and Lexi had promised each other._

I turned my thoughts back to Naruto, why was my life such a mess? Obviously, because I was Lynx Sapient Swindlehurst. I would never be able to live my life happily, sure I accepted that everyone has their rough times, but my life was more tragic than a movie, and there was no happy ending… Not today, not tomorrow, not ever. My knight in shining armor had gone, my friend, the one person who I'd relied on my whole life was dead, and the only person who'd ever understood me was raped then left for death along with my first regret.

Why was this happening? It wasn't even that bad for me, I was unlucky to the people around me, and every once in a while it would bounce back to me. I mean, my mother died during childbirth, my friends died while I was right there, my friend died because I decided to make fun of our Lexi, and so now I was getting my punishment. But honestly, do I deserve this? No, I don't.

I fell to my knees again, this was the first time for three years that I had broken down. I just hoped this time I would not be interrupted. A feeble laugh escaped my lips breaking the sound of sobs that racked my body. Last time the Third had ended up comforting me, then I had to explain the murders two of my friends. More feeble laughter joined the night air. My eyes produced more tears though, and I was back to the strangled sobs that I despised so much. I hated crying, I hated being so weak when my friends needed me. They wanted my support, they needed it.

'But what if I can't handle it?' Part of me thought desperately. What if I couldn't take it and just ran out, crying. What if I ruined it for them? What if I accidentally confessed to Naruto on his big night? No, I wouldn't do it, I had lived with secrets my whole life, I wasn't about to let one slip now. So I was gonna be a big girl, I was gonna face my heart ache head on. I'll run another day.

With that thought supporting me I walked back towards Konoha, hoping the fact that I wore black eye shadow this morning would hide the redness and swelling of my eyelids. If anyone saw they'd interrogate me, and I wouldn't be able to get out without lying, I'd never be able to. My friends, the ones who notice these things, are too important to lie to. No, I'd hide it.

Naruto had told me to get Kakashi, so I'd head over to his apartment now, Chirou would know something was wrong. I smiled slightly, I liked Chirou, a lot. Not love, not nearly as strong as what I felt for Naruto and Sasuke. But I liked Chirou, and we went out together a lot, just as friends, but I know we both felt a little bit more than just friendship for each other. Thoughts of Chirou always cheered me up, even though it was usually the thought of Naruto, the thought of Chirou was just as amazing.

I looked up at the sky again, it's almost scary how long it can seem like when one is crying. When I got here it was sunset, now it's nighttime. The moon stared down at me romantically, the stars glittering around it. There was no way to explain the emptiness that I felt as I stared up at the romantic sky. It would be so perfect to be sitting here right now with someone who loves me. Who I loved back, but that wasn't going to happen.

I bowed as the tears fell again, leaving a shining path on my face where they had ran. Dammit, I love you. Naruto, I really do love you. More than anything.

"You know, Sasuke, I love you too, but I haven't seen you in so long, I fear that I don't love you any more. Haha, funny how that turns out. I love two boys who don't give a rat's ass about me. Haha, maybe I should just stop trying to love, and love only my friends. Or how bout I forget about them too? It would be so much easier." I said out loud. "Naruto, why the fuck do you have to be so hard to read? Sasuke was always easy to read… I knew he never loved any of us, he cared, sure, but as more than friends, maybe less. But you, you care about us so much, and you crushed on Sakura, but your feelings towards me are still a mystery. You don't love me though, at least, you've never shown it. No, it's better not to get my hopes up…"

I laughed again before continuing. It's so fucking much easier when you don't fall in love by accident. So much fucking easier when you don't have to worry about anything except running, you don't have to worry about facing up to anything, you don't have to worry about love, and you don't have to worry about being hurt.

I thought of the sweet love songs about pain and love, and how everything turns out all right, but they were just lies. Stupid lies made up by people who pretend that love is happy, that life isn't a pain that you bear every day in hopes that the next day might be better. Because that's what it really is, it's just torture that some stupid god, or whatever, almighty being, has decided that we'll suffer.

Those were my thoughts as I neared my 'sensei's' house. I knocked loudly on his door, hoping he might not be there. I don't know why, but I didn't want to see him just now. He'd probably know I've been crying, he's surprisingly good at reading my emotions. But to my dismay he answered quickly, though, of course, with his little book in his hands. Amazingly he didn't even have to look at me, but he suddenly put his book down a concerned look spreading on his face.

"Lynx, what a pleasant surprise. Would you like to come in?" He asked, far too nicely.

"No thanks, I'm just here to deliver a message!" I grinned, completely fakely.

"What is it, then?" He asked, pretending, for my sake, to not notice how fake it was.

"OK, well, Naruto really likes Sakura, as you well know. But, over his time away, he says that his feelings for her developed and he thinks he loves her. So he wants the whole team, minus Sasuke of course, to be there for him when he tells her. You know, back him up and maybe get her to go out with him…" My smile faltered slightly, and my voice cracked as well, but I was trying my best to be strong in front of Kakashi.

"Oh, OK. I'll be there." He replied, the corners of his eyes crinkled into what must have been a smile. "And Lynx, maybe you should bring Chirou with you."

I turned to leave, with his last words he had hit home and my face mangled with pain. Chirou was the only one who could be there for me, he was everything to me nowadays, Lexi wasn't herself any more without Nick she could barely cope so she only came out for missions and training and stuck with her team. Kakashi didn't know that Chirou meant so much to me, he probably just thought that I needed someone tonight.

"I-- I will." I choked out.

The door closed softly behind me as I walked away. Now I had to face Chirou.

As I entered our house, the soft glow of the TV shone through the door frame, I followed it into the living room. There sat Chirou with a bowl of popcorn watching some porn movie or other. I cleared my throat loudly in order to get his attention.

"L-Lynx! I didn't see you there… heh… um, yeah." He stumbled, fumbling with the remote and turning off the TV as if I hadn't seen it. "Come here."

He pulled my towards him and let my head fall on his chest as I sobbed, shaking both of our bodies. Tears soaked his shirt through as I cried, but he didn't complain and I could feel the warm, gentleness radiating from him, and love. He held me at arm's length, and stared into my muddy brown eyes.

"Naruto?" I nodded feebly, "Do you love him?"

"Yes, I really do…" I replied, a pained expression flitted briefly across his face.

"Do you love me?" He asked, I felt his fingers tighten on my arms apprehensively.

"I don't know, Chirou, but you mean so much to me… I'm really not sure." I told him, my uncharacteristic feebleness showing itself so clearly in my voice.

"OK. Do you mind if I…?" I smiled at his attempt to ask my permission for something or other, hoping he'd take it as an: 'I trust you, do what you want'. He did.

He leaned in slowly as I stood still, my eyes closing to his stare. He kissed me chastely and I relaxed into the kiss. It felt so right. I then pulled away, a shadow of my old, self-assured self in my smile.

"We need to get ready, Naruto will be coming here soon to pick us up." I giggled and pried his fingers from my arms.

"I can help you with that," he grinned devilishly.

"Shut up! I can change myself, thank you very much!" I told him sharply, a joke in my eyes, he noticed it. He would.

"So, why is the man that broke my girl's heart taking us out tonight?" He asked, a hint of anger in his coal eyes.

"He has a confession and a question for Sakura. I think he's planning on asking her to marry him. She loves him back, but he doesn't know that, but he was so vague when he told me that I'm not quite sure." I felt a stab of pain in my chest, but brushed it to the side, occupying my mind with the current issue of me and Chirou.

"And we're gonna be there because…?" He raised a valid point.

"Because we're his friends and though he puts on a brave front, he's just a teenager, with a teenager's nerve, and he's gonna ask the girl he's loved his whole life a question that takes so much courage, courage that he doesn't have. We, on the other hand, do, and we're gonna lend it to him for a night." I told Chirou, my countenance dead-serious.

"OK. Are we gonna enter the restaurant as an item? Or as friends…?"

"Friends, we need to see where we're going first. Sorry, Chirou, but we've been friends for years now and this quite the change. First I wanna sort out my feelings for you and Naruto and I don't ever want to lead you to believe that I have feelings for you that don't exist. I care about you too much to ever hurt you. But if you'd prefer to show me off, and brag about us then you have every right to, I won't stop you. It's your choice." I told him, again, seriously. I was always straight with Chirou, regardless of the situation.

"Friends, then." He sent me a gentle gaze that said clearly: this is why I love you so much.

"Chirou, you must know that despite our situation or your feelings for me you will always be the most important person in my life, even when, if, we split paths in the future. You've been here for me since the second I got here, first as an older brother, then as a friend, and I've never mistrusted you or your judgement."

"Of course." He replied, in his eyes that same gentle gaze that I held so dear.

I then left the room, hurrying upstairs to change into a different outfit. I ended up choosing Chirou's favourite shirt, well, of mine. It was a brown corset with dark green ribbons and lace. I wore a fishnet shirt under it and a dark brown skirt that reached mid-thigh where the same dark green lace woven intricately around the edges. I wore fishnet stockings along with it and a pair of boots that reached just below my knees (again, brown). The same brown, I thought, as mine and Nick's eyes.

Once I stepped into the upstairs hallway I saw a smart looking Chirou exiting his room. He always could pull off smart, but aloof, yet still alert. He was such a handsome contradiction. He wore a vertically striped blue shirt, with darker blue thin stripes (not quite pinstripes), the first few buttons undone. While his cuffs were held together by two royal blue cuff links. He wore simple black trousers. The whole outfit complimented him well, which was why I went shopping with him. Without me he would wear his ninja outfit everywhere, like quite a lot of the other shinobi of the village, I was shocked when I found out that even the kunoichi had usually only one outfit and that was their ninja outfit. Konoha needed a wardrobe makeover! And this was coming from Oh Tomboy of the Century.

Lexi used to complain by their lack of interest in fashion, as well, but after Nick she grew into a ghost. She never had had my emotional endurance, or Nick, or Em. Or even Jake (who hadn't been particularly emotionally strong, he had been one of the guys that got attached to his friends and his girlfriends, always the one to sacrifice himself or put his own neck on the line until his friends were out of firing range, and when he failed he'd hang his head for months, crying his eyes out when he thought none of us were watching. That was one of the reasons I'd crushed on him for so long.

"Chirou," I called to him.

"Oh, Lynx. Wow. You're wearing my favourite outfit!" I giggled slightly, what a great way to play right into my hands.

"Your favourite outfit, huh? I didn't know you had filled out since I'd last seen you. Back then you had these little flapjack boo-"

"Shut up, Lynx, you know what I meant." He replied with a joking sharpness that made us giggle.

The bell rung and I glanced at him for support, and found his hand in mine and his coal eyes gazing into my muddy ones. We walked downstairs, him guiding me and then opened the door. On our porch stood Naruto and Kakashi, we smiled at the two of them, quickly grabbing our coats and following them onto the street.

"What is it you want us to do again, Naruto?" Kakashi asked, pointing out the uselessness of our coming out with him.

"You're coming with me to offer moral support. Duh. That and I'm not sure if I can cope if she says no…" I felt my heart melt at this statement, Naruto had never admitted the possibility of defeat, he must really love her.

At one point I would have thought he was going to fast, but we lived in the shinobi world, and I was pretty sure that Naruto and Sakura would have plenty of dangerous missions to go on in the next few years, who knew what could happen? In this world you had to learn to make the most of now and not regret the past. Otherwise you could end up living forever with no one else to be with you. Naruto had to do this now, because he recognised the possibility of one of them dying or disappearing.

So we walked down to the resteraunt and Naruto left us to pick up Sakura - whom he had asked to join us for a team (and Chirou) meeting. I managed to swallow the lump that rose in my throat when I saw her in her rouge evening dress. She looked beautiful, I never understood why people said that her forehead made her ugly; it just gave her character. I'd seen her mother before, they looked so alike (minus the forehead) and her mother was beautiful, just like her. I guess I was envious, but I couldn't admit to it. It would be like saying your rival was better than you. Just because Sakura was prettier than me didn't mean I had to admit to the fact. I preferred denial; so much easier.

I smiled lightly to her as Chirou squeezed my hand in reassurance. He saw exactly what I saw, was his message. He understood me too well, '_why did he have to be so perfect?' _I asked myself, angered that I had fallen for Naruto and Sasuke but I would never be able to fall for him; we both knew it.

"Hi, Sakura." Kakashi greeted, nonchalantly, placing his book in his pocket.

"Heya," I told her, Chirou sent a smile her way, acknowledging her presence.

My logical side was telling me that I would get over him and that they made a good couple, and she was my friend, she deserved happiness. But my emotional, teenage side was screaming: '_KICK HER ASS! SHE STOLE YOUR MAN! KILL 'EM BOTH! NO-- WAIT, JUST HER! And blame it on Kakashi…' _I almost shook my head physically, I never did change, did I?

"How've you been, Sakura, we haven't chatted in ages!" I initiated the conversation, my eyes twinkling cheerfully and a smile that just screamed '_BFFL'_.

"I've been well, thanks. Haha, its great having Naruto back here, specially after what happened…" she replied, her lips twisting awkwardly and her eyes darting downwards. I smiled in understanding, making sure not to show my own pain. "You?"

"Meh, well enough, I guess!" I giggled, it was so fake I could have puked if I were not already emitting such horrid sounds from my mouth.

"What's this meeting about, anyways?"


	2. Chirou and Me

_Hey! Sorry for the wait, I've been grounded… AKA no computer. So I hope you'll accept my apology and, please, enjoy this chapter!_

The restaurant was cute. It was a sweet little place with rouge cushions covering the benches placed on either side of the tables (which were, themselves, a shade of cherry that was unabashedly romantic), the effect of the candles and deep red table cloths was, surprisingly, not overbearing. I couldn't help but admire Naruto's taste. Of course, I knew that admiration was far too close to love and adoration than I should be accepting at this point in time, but I couldn't help but feel that everything he did was perfect. He amazed me, through and through. Now I see that what I felt was not love in any way, shape, or form, but I was young, and set my heart out to be broken and didn't want to be disappointed.

So as the evening wore on Sakura's obvious adoration of the boy became more and more apparent as a result of a few too many drinks. It would be a lie to say that I remained sober, as I probably downed the largest quantity of alcohol. The company was good and I can usually hold my liquor quite well (that day was an exception, of course) so I thought I might as well indulge myself in some cheap champagne and the shot here and there. From what Kakashi told me later I must have been giving Sakura and Naruto some not-so-nice looks. That's the gist of what he said.

All I know is that when I woke up the next morning, I was in Chirou's bed; completely naked. He wasn't beside me, but I could see the impression his body had made on his side of the bed and the pillow. I could also see our clothes beside the bed, laying there like we'd shed our skin. Two piles of clothes perfectly stacked.

I pulled my heavy head off of the pillow, a sudden throb reminding me of the stupid mistakes I sometimes make. As if a wrecking ball was continuously smashing my skull, over and over and over again. I felt a sudden fondness for death, my hangover was so bad I began to think that things hadn't gone so bad for Nick.

"ARGH!" I screamed, whimpering seconds afterwards and laying my head back down on the pillow.

A sopping wet Chirou, wearing only a towel over his 'parts', walked back into the room. If I hadn't been in immense pain, had such a patchy memory of the night before that I had to strain to even remember the morning before, and I was so confused about where I was and how I could have ended up like this I would have been embarrassed to see Chirou stark naked. But I wasn't, and when he dropped his towel and began to re-clothe himself I could only stare on at him. Not taking anything in.

"Good sleep?" Inquired he with his eyes squinting in pain. Even ninjas suffered hangovers.

"I've no idea, do you remember?"

"I wish I could say I did. I never expected our first time together to be like this, to tell you the truth."

"Yeah. It would have been nice to remember it, at least. I'm aching all over, even in my back, how many times do you think…?" I left the sentence hanging, realizing what I had just said wasn't exactly the most appropriate thing to do after we'd spent a drunken night together.

"Ha ha, I'm not sure if I really want to know. Judging by the stains, that is." His face became calculating, donning the countenance that usually implicated any ninja work.

"You're shameless!" I exclaimed, laughing with a mixture of actual humor and embarrassment.

My head hurt. Oh god, my throat! I must have thrown up at some point last night because it itched and burned like my stomach acids had just watered my food pipe. So Chirou and I, after I'd gotten changed (I had to leave him alone for a while after I walked out of his room stark naked), had a cup of coffee and ate a full breakfast, hoping that that might help us just a bit. He was in almost as much pain as I was. Less, of course, because as a ninja he had to remain somewhat aware. I had a strange feeling that he remembered more of last night than he let on.

We fell asleep together at four in the afternoon.

We then awoke at eight the next morning.

I felt a bit better. Still in some pain, of course, but Chirou made me feel better.

So Chirou told the hokage that we would be taking one week away from ninja-ing, instead we'd just be together. We did all the things that normal teens did when they were going out. So we went on a couple dates, we walked through the park holding hands, then we went out for ice cream. We had fun. That was that. Chirou fell more in love with me, and I was trying my hardest to fall for him, but my love for him was that of a friend. I knew that he knew, and that inside he was probably breaking up.

I never lied to him, I simply played along. I fell for him, but not that seriously. We never saw any of our ninja friends, full stop. He wanted me to get in one week of relaxation - an excuse for the two of us to be together for one week - and I wanted to take a break from the outside world and Chirou was perfect.

My young mind told me I was in love with him at the end of the week. Love. A strong word. Children are prone to be strong and do strong things, more often that not far too brashly. I was a child. Regardless of my ninja experiences, I remained one.

It was Saturday night when we next stepped over the line. This time we didn't recede nearly so quickly.

"So, Chirou, any plans for the night?" I asked him from my position on the sofa.

I lay with my head on the armrest and my legs draped over Chirou's. We had been watching yet another corny old movie. It was about the kunoichi that fell in love with a prince. It was adorable, and we had watched it a total of 37 times since I had first arrived in Konoha.

"I made some food, not microwaved!" I gasped loudly and he grinned proudly, "I was thinking that we could have a relaxing dinner at the table once the movie's over. Instead of just another TV dinner. How 'bout it? You up to another night spent talking to me?"

"Of course I am! Chirou, I-I-" _love you._

"Good, the movie's back on." His eyes averted to the black and white images on the screen, as if he knew what I was about to say and couldn't bear to hear it.

Just before the movie ended he disappeared into the kitchen, with a clanging of cutlery and plates he laid the table and set out the food. Scents wafted over to me on a nonexistent breeze, and I can't say that I complained. It smelt perfect. It made me want him, but that was so wrong. It had to be. I tried to shove the thought out of my mind, my efforts were in vain, though, and the thought haunted me.

"Lynx! Dinner," Chirou called.

I giggled at what was to come. I knew that he was worried that it might not be perfect enough for me, he was so sweet that way. _I should love him,_ I told myself, _he's so perfect for me. He really is._ But nothing could make me love him. The thought was so wrong. Every time I thought it I felt my heart clenching up and my stomach collapsing inwards. I wanted to love him so goddamn much; it was unreal.

He grinned at me in his mischievous way, sparks floating in his eyes the way that they should. Like little stars; the ones I loved to wish on, the ones he loved to gaze at every night with me. I grinned right back in my own stupid way, tears floating in my eyes the way they shouldn't be. Like lakes; the ones I loved to swim in, the ones he loved to stroll by with me on sunny afternoons.

God, this isn't fun at all. I hate having to remember all of this. I feel like a conceited bitch that played with a boy's heart because she liked having it in her hands. I know I wasn't. I was just a girl that thought she was in love, but knew deep down that this was no more than love at a very base level. What I felt for him was friendship. I really hate this. I really do. More than you can imagine.

In the center of the table was a single rose in a beautiful silver vase, on either side were long, thin candlesticks that gave off the sweetest scent. It took all of my self-control not to pounce on Chirou right then and there. He pulled my chair out from under the table in a gesture of mock chivalry, then gave an exaggerated bow. My heart dove from the top of a cliff and into the rocks below, I fell for him. Again. And again. And again.

As he went to sit down I stood up and with all the speed suited for a talented kunoichi I flashed to his side, kissing him quickly but nonetheless fiercely. I sat myself down again, smiling contentedly. He looked stunned, and I couldn't blame him.

Without hesitation or even another glance at him, I dug into the gorgeous food in front of me. Savouring every bite, mourning every mouthful swallowed, and tumbling from rock to rock until I knew that I'd have to hit the bottom eventually.

"What do you think?" Chirou inquired, nervously, anxious for my critique.

Leaving my plate completely empty I once again flashed to his side, grabbing his tie I pulled him upright. His countenance was one of immense confusion and worry.

"I'll show you…" I told him accompanied by a smirk that was mischievous and worried at the same time.

My worries were crushed within seconds; Chirou pulled me into his arms, wrapping them around me and rushing upstairs. Fierce kisses and firm caresses and I was in his bed again. Like a whirlwind we let ourselves be carried into the night by the sweet love he showed to me, and that which I thought I was love. He was so much more than I wanted. He was everything I needed.

"_I love you, Chirou." _I whispered to his semi-conscious being.

Eyes snapped open; kisses showered upon my cheeks, lips, neck, and collarbone; rushed words returning all that I had given to him tenfold; and another little while when all the worries of the world escaped my thoughts and ran away from my mind.

Isn't sex the sweetest pleasure? No thoughts need exist, the world can just fade away, and you can enjoy the moment. And oh God, at the end, when his tired eyes gazed into mine with a love so pure and evident that I could have cried. Cried not for happiness, but as a way to repay his love with a part of me.

And I did cry. He kissed away my tears and fluttered his eyelashes upon my skin in the sweetest butterfly kisses. His words did nothing to ease my tears, instead they were the root of all the heartache and brokenness I suffered. I'm sure that even to this day he has no idea what affect he had on me. God, even I'm not completely sure of the extent of damage that his love and the lack of mine did to me. It sounds terrible, but it's true. I loved him in the strangest way. He loved me thoroughly and unquestioningly. He didn't need anything back. His love would be there whether I returned it or not, as he told me time and time again. Mine was conditional. It was hormonal. It was wrong.

So on that dramatic note I bid you good day.

Lynx out!


End file.
